Tuesday, May 18, 2004
at
10:55 p.m.
|
But am I a willing slave?
That's really the question these days. I can't seem to figure out if I like the work I'm constantly getting, as well as a bit of praise, or if it's going to drive me over the deep end.
See, every day I come home more and more stressed and it's the kind of stress that doesn't really show itself until you have a meltdown. Nothing at work is pushing me over the edge, it's more like I feel myself walking a tightrope that at any moment could snap. I can stay on the thing, but how secure is my lifeline?
Am I putting all my eggs in one basket? For the time being, I suppose I am. And for having only been on the job a mere week and a half, the amount of drama that I have either dealt with or imagined is already impressive. I hate at least one co-worker, while trying to please the rest by simply being competent.
My boss pulled me aside as I was about to leave today. I had no clue what it was about, but feared that I had messed something up royally or he was going to fire me. Keep in mind, there was absolutely no reason for either of these things to happen, but that's what goes through your head.
"I just wanted to see how things were going," he says with a smile.
Uh oh, I think. What does that mean? Have I been giving off the impression I'm unhappy? OVERCOMPENSATE!!
"Oh, really good. I'm surprised at how much I enjoy it. In fact, I told my girlfriend last Saturday that I wanted to go into work." Now this is technically true, but why am I kissing ass, even in a distant way?
The rest of the conversation revolved around a few story ideas I had and just before we parted, with not one negative word or criticism offered on his part, I asked him if I was doing okay. He said "yes, really well."
And that was that.
I can't handle that. It stresses me out. Why did he need to talk to me alone like that? I'm sure it was for a harmless reason, and Catherine says I freak out way too easily, but it's a week and a half into the thing, I'm trying to stand out based on work rather than personality (some of you will find this funny... Aaron, don't be a dick) and...
Good lord.
Maybe I'm insane.
Tomorrow I head to school to pick up the magazine which is finally back from the printer. I'm heading in early before work to get it, and then working for Bob and the Bank of Montreal building putting in new lights for the evening.
Life is not dull.
That's really the question these days. I can't seem to figure out if I like the work I'm constantly getting, as well as a bit of praise, or if it's going to drive me over the deep end.
See, every day I come home more and more stressed and it's the kind of stress that doesn't really show itself until you have a meltdown. Nothing at work is pushing me over the edge, it's more like I feel myself walking a tightrope that at any moment could snap. I can stay on the thing, but how secure is my lifeline?
Am I putting all my eggs in one basket? For the time being, I suppose I am. And for having only been on the job a mere week and a half, the amount of drama that I have either dealt with or imagined is already impressive. I hate at least one co-worker, while trying to please the rest by simply being competent.
My boss pulled me aside as I was about to leave today. I had no clue what it was about, but feared that I had messed something up royally or he was going to fire me. Keep in mind, there was absolutely no reason for either of these things to happen, but that's what goes through your head.
"I just wanted to see how things were going," he says with a smile.
Uh oh, I think. What does that mean? Have I been giving off the impression I'm unhappy? OVERCOMPENSATE!!
"Oh, really good. I'm surprised at how much I enjoy it. In fact, I told my girlfriend last Saturday that I wanted to go into work." Now this is technically true, but why am I kissing ass, even in a distant way?
The rest of the conversation revolved around a few story ideas I had and just before we parted, with not one negative word or criticism offered on his part, I asked him if I was doing okay. He said "yes, really well."
And that was that.
I can't handle that. It stresses me out. Why did he need to talk to me alone like that? I'm sure it was for a harmless reason, and Catherine says I freak out way too easily, but it's a week and a half into the thing, I'm trying to stand out based on work rather than personality (some of you will find this funny... Aaron, don't be a dick) and...
Good lord.
Maybe I'm insane.
Tomorrow I head to school to pick up the magazine which is finally back from the printer. I'm heading in early before work to get it, and then working for Bob and the Bank of Montreal building putting in new lights for the evening.
Life is not dull.
Posted by
Parallel
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