1. Your boss is always yelling, “I wanna see your butt in here by 8:00!”

2. “I’d love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants.”

3. You want to see if it’s like the dream.

4. People stop stealing your pens after they’ve seen where you keep them.

5. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

6. Gives “bad hair day” a whole new meaning.

7. No one steals your chair.
Posted by Parallel
Friday, June 24, 2005 at 1:23 a.m. | 0 comments

Me and Sean Maher (Simon Tam) from Serenity. He was kind enough to join the screening tonight, and sat in front of me. His hair looked very soft, but I resisted the urge to touch it. Oh, and for all of you who didn't see it... September can't come soon enough. Posted by Hello
Posted by Parallel
You have to wait another three months to see Serenity? I don't envy you guys at ALL.

No worries, this blog shall stay completely spoiler-free, though it's killing me to not be able to talk about it.

A good thing about seeing it early (and as far as I could tell the film was finished or damn near), is that there was free stuff. Buttons, tatoos, posters, keychains, programs, and oh, Sean Maher (Simon Tam) was there.

That didn't suck. Not at all.

Posted by Parallel
Thursday, June 23, 2005 at 12:24 p.m. | 0 comments
• Warfare in the Enemy’s Rear, by O. Heilbrunn (1963)

• Selected Themes and Icons from Spanish Literature: Of Beards, Shoes, Cucumbers, and Leprosy, by John R. Burt (1982)

• What Do Bunnies Do All Day?, by Judy Mastrangelo (1988)

• The Romance of Proctology, by Charles Elton Blanchard (1938)

• Cancer: Is the Dog the Cause?, by Walter Cort (1933)

On an unrelated note, tonight is the Serenity screening that Paul, Victoria, Catherine and I will be attending along with several rabid fans.

I'm a little perturbed as my eye Weekly story didn't make it in this week, but the fall-out from tonight should appear in the next issue.

We're apparently going to be honoured with a celebrity guest, a mini-poster (that will be signed), and a keychain. A small Q&A may follow the film. All in all, it should be fun.

Best of all, I'm leaving work early today because of it. The screening starts at 10pm, the line begins at 8pm, and the dinner with the... fans... starts at 5:30pm. I must be presentable. Or hungry.

One of the two.
Posted by Parallel
Tuesday, June 21, 2005 at 11:12 a.m. | 0 comments
This isn't a rant about stupid people in general, but will be a short list of people I've encountered lately that are, in some way or another, completely fucking bonkers.

1. List mom Heather: This is a woman who runs a fan website of rabid Firefly enthusiasts and she has nothing better to do than feel superior. I've repeatedly been trying to get information out of her about certain aspects of the Serenity screening this week for my eye Weekly story. She said there was going to be a "celebrity guest" but would not say who. This is just stupid.

She said I should call and ask Universal directly, and I asked her for the name/phone number of the person she got the information from so I could call and independently confirm. This would have a direct bearing on the nature of my story, and as such, I felt I should know. She wouldn't even give me that. She said "call and ask for someone."

This is a woman who wants to "get the word out" about her beloved franchise, yet refuses to aid someone who can speak to more than 5 family members and instead talk with the 300,000 weekly readers that eye claims to net.

She wouldn't budge. I'd like to smack her.

2. The woman at Universal: Another dirtbag. After going through my editor to find out who I was, she didn't even call me back. I finally called her up, and she said no interviews would be granted prior to the screening for a guest that she would neither confirm nor deny. I can only assume a lighting tech is showing up. Again, slightly baffled, but not shocked. She is a flack after all.

The only thing I don't get is why would you tell the geek in charge of a fan site, but not inform someone in the press? Nervous about getting some bad remarks, or just being difficult because you can be?

My editor at eye claims we should be grateful they even responded. He said most studios wouldn't even bother. Isn't that encouraging?

3. Aspects of First Media: Shib, the girl who got hired a week after I did for the same position, was unceremoniously shit-canned yesterday. Granted, I'm sure she brought it on herself (I tried to talk to her about it), but that doesn't excuse our co-workers on the other side from giggling and laughing a full hour after it happened. It wasn't necessarily about her, but you could feel that it was part of it.

4. Mimes. Those guys are just asking for it.

So maybe this post WAS a rant after all, but it wasn't really intended to be. I'm getting paid for my eye Weekly writing, though I didn't expect to be at all. It's not a huge sum of money, but it makes up for the bits of frustration I've been having. The first part of my writing, a whopping 150 words, should be in this week with a larger chunk the week after.

I have a lot of pudding with me at work right now, and a copy of season 1 of the BBC version of The Office. I'm sure it will help to soothe my pain.

Now I have gas.
Posted by Parallel
Thursday, June 16, 2005 at 10:42 p.m. | 0 comments

Hound, from Transformers Alternators... Posted by Hello
Posted by Parallel
That was the clever name Hasbro came up with for their recently released Transformer from their Alternators line. The entire thing is based on the G1 characters we all grew up with, and today I used a gift certificate I had (which you could only use for four days this month and then it was worthless) towards getting my favorite Jeep (now based on a Wrangler) to get Hound.

Hound was a great character with a gun that could create holograms. He also had a shoulder mounted missle, but at this exact moment I can't seem to recall him using it. During the first season or two, Hound was a regular on the show, though he barely even made it into the comics.

That's what happens when merchandising hits the fan. Too many ideas, too many characters, and not enough space to feature them all, and feature them you must in order to make money.

This figure is actually quite impressive, and in the same scale as my Dodge Viper Sideswipe and my 20th Anniversary Optimus Prime. If any of you are wondering where this post is going, it's in the direction of "too much disposable income."

Which is funny, because I should save like mad.

Instead, Catherine and I used our "summer fun" money to buy a used copy of Super Smash Bros. Melee for the Gamecube. We've been playing it a bit, and could use a couple of more people to join in the mayhem.

Other than that, next week at work will reveal if I get fired or if we get three times as much work dumped on us. Nothing stays the same, just gets crappier. I think that should be my slogan in life.

On the "that doesn't stink" side, I DID get a couple of articles approved for eye Weekly regarding the Serenity screening, so at least I'll get published again soon. I was beginning to think that I dreamt the whole thing up. I've also asked to do movie reviews again (even volunteering for the stinkers) so that I can feel good about myself when I have nothing better to do at work.

That's all. Go on about your business.
Posted by Parallel
The first gambling machine to catch on was a vending machine for chewing gum introduced by the Mills Novelty Company in 1910. It dispensed three flavors of gum—cherry, orange, and plum—depending on which fruits appeared on three randomly spinning wheels. If three bars reading “1910 Fruit Gum” appeared in a row, the machine gave extra gum; if a lemon appeared, it gave no gum at all (which is why “lemon” came to mean something unsatisfactory or defective). You can’t get gum in a slot machine anymore—the 1910 Fruit Gum machines were so popular that the company converted them to cash payouts.
Posted by Parallel
Tuesday, June 14, 2005 at 11:20 a.m. | 0 comments
For those of you who know him, you can understand the kind of bizarre happenings that occur when Dave Gerow is around. For the next year, he'll be making life interesting for the Chinese as he helps teach them English.

Here is a sample of his bi-weekly emails:

"Hey, here's a sort of funny story. I teach an adult beginner class with this Chinese girl and the other day she was teaching them "dislike", so she said to me, "What's something I can use for an example?" And I said (because the students don't use any English, so I can say anything), "Nobody here seems to like the Japanese." And she just went up to the board and wrote the following:

I dislike Japanese.
He dislikes Japanese.
We dislike Japanese.

And next to "We dislike Japanese", she drew a Japanese flag (a box with a circle in it) and put an "X" through it. I swear this on the safety of my return flight to Canada. Anyway, nobody minded. Afer all, We dislike Japanese."

God bless you, David.
Posted by Parallel
Monday, June 13, 2005 at 4:34 p.m. | 0 comments
This blog is quickly becoming a post for all of my geek interests and loves from a television landscape that offers little in terms of the kind of quality programming we've been exposed to in the past.

Hence, the return of Quantum Leap. Long has this been one of my favorite shows and it is my own personal white whale. When the final episode originally aired, my father forgot to tape it despite he and I sitting down to watch it together every week for years. I was quite devastated.

When it subsequently aired on SPACE a couple of years ago, I was once again diligent in trying to track down that episode. The night it aired, the VCR screwed up and once again I missed out. After that, SPACE aired the show randomly which killed any chance I had at seeing that episode.

I've still never seen it.

I'm getting closer, though. I picked up season 2 used a couple of months ago, and Catherine bought me the first season just last week. Yesterday I lucked out and found season 3 used. They have yet to release the final two seasons, but barring an act of God, I think I may eventually get to see that episode.

It may not seem like a big deal to any of you, but this was a huge thing for me.

Other than that, I had a good weekend away at Guelph with my stunning girlfriend. We went to J.P.'s (Bern's son) wedding, enjoyed some pool time with my brother, Graydon, and a short visit to Brantford. I love getting away for the weekend as it just lets you recharge a little. We borrowed my mom's car, and she got the use of our apartment.

A nice trade, all in all.

Tonight, I'll go to karate and watch more Quantum Leap. I've decided to go to teacher's college as well, so I should do some research. Catherine freaked me out earlier today in regards to teachables, and while I still qualify, I'm now paranoid.

But I wouldn't be me without a little daily fear about the future.
Posted by Parallel
Friday, June 10, 2005 at 3:07 p.m. | 0 comments
By the time Friday arrives, everyone in my office (including myself) are so sapped of any desire to do work that it descends into a farcical tribute to the great office comedies of our generation like Office Space and the BBC's brilliant work, The Office.

I'm aware that I used the word "office" entirely too many times in that sentence.

So far today, I've managed to do most of my work. I have no idea how this happened. It's kind of like when you're driving and all of a sudden you arrive at your destination, but have no idea how you got there. In my opinion, that's when you're driving your best. You're not overly aware of your actions, and yet your responses are smooth and even. And hey, maybe you figured out some new way to make french fries while you weren't paying attention to the road.

That's what this job is like, but all the time. If you pay attention to what you're doing (in my case, personal ads, which elicits grins and laughter from anyone who finds out what I do), you'll go insane. Who cares about the 200 lb. woman who's favorite activity is going to a carnival? Or the ad by a woman named Victoria Secretion? (That one got edited out, by the way).

Long story short, this job will kill you if you don't have fun.

So, today I have done the following:

1. Checked message boards from other Serenity movie-goers to try and get extra tickets.
2. Played balloon volleyball with Bill who works on the other side of my desk wall.
3. Made fun of Colleen for wanting to bring cupcakes for another co-worker, Li, who's birthday is on Monday.
4. Made fun of Li for buying pants to go with her new bicycle.
5. Misinterpreted a t-shirt. Nathan did the same thing. That made it okay.
6. Planned a work birthday party.
7. Listened to the Coldplay album.
8. Watched some C.S.I.
9. Visited my websites, which include Action-figure.com, Whedonesque, Coming Soon, Penny Arcade, and more.
10. Had lunch.
11. Went to Harvey's to get out for a little.
12. Read the newspaper.
13. Talked quite a bit.
14. Have done some work. Almost all of it, in fact.

Interesting, don't you think?

I think jobs are best served by those who either truly love what they're doing, are addicted to money, or have the ability to turn their brains off. I only wish mine could get cable in this near vegetative state.

My chair is uncomfortable and it gives me daily back pains. Last night, my neck bothered me. I mentioned this several times, and not once did Catherine offer to massage it. I've dumped her for it.

I took her back when she bought me dinner. Life has a way of working things out.

Back to work (*snicker*).
Posted by Parallel
Thursday, June 09, 2005 at 12:35 p.m. | 0 comments
That's right, I managed to snag four tickets to the upcoming screening of Serenity on June 23rd at the Paramount here in downtown Toronto. For many of you, I expect many angry letters and threats about spoilers. I shall do my best to remain silent while many of you wait another THREE MONTHS.

I took a little pleasure in that.

(I originally had a section in here about having two extra tickets, but Paul and Victoria snatched them up fairly quickly. I'm working on getting TWO more (been added to a list of Browncoats online), and will likely be successful for those interested in seeing the film. Put your names in the hat NOW).

Being the smart cookie I am, I also sent in a pitch to eye about the whole thing. If they don't resond by say... Friday... heh. I'll probably go with my contacts at the Sun and try to fish a story to them that way. I just want to make some money and get my name in th' paper.

I'm selfish that way.

Ah, Serenity.. I'm coming to see you soon...

Two weeks and counting.

Posted by Parallel
Wednesday, June 08, 2005 at 2:46 p.m. | 0 comments
The new Coldplay album landed. Some sources claim it's the best thing since sliced bread, others are slightly more immune to the hype machine and merely label it 'good.' Rolling Stone seems to be balanced in the middle, and after my first pass through the album I'm inclined to agree.

There are no breakaway hits for me other than "Fix Me." With other Coldplay albums, songs like "Don't Panic," "Yellow," "Clocks," and an assortment of other tunes seemed to break through whatever exterior I had going on at the time and have a ripple effect in my emotional center.

It's hard to place "X&Y" yet as the best they've done, and right now it's still behind "Parachutes."

My biggest frustration with the group is they want the label of the best rock & roll band in the world. Sorry, but that belongs to U2 and you need more than three albums to top it. Also, some guitars and, you know, ROCK songs, probably would help.

Still, it's a good album and worth listening to. You can borrow or burn it from me.
Posted by Parallel
Tuesday, June 07, 2005 at 10:22 p.m. | 0 comments
Anyone else played the PopCap game? It's highly addictive, as are most of their offerings. The full version is much more fun, but you only get an hour trial. If only I knew how to beat it into submission without forking over an unrealistic $30 US.

That, and I'm cheap.

Then again, I did just spend more than $120 on clothes last weekend. Those of you who know me (and I'm assuming that the three of you who read this do, in fact, know me), should have passed out with shock. None of the labels had the letters "D," "V," or "D" in them.

I'm trying to pull together a Wonderland trip for the June 25-26 weekend. Much like a comic convention organizer, I consider my prime "catch" to be Jamie and Nicole. I've yet to hear a yay or nay from them, but they're the backbone of this whole operation. After all, Paul and Victoria are nice, Josh is nicely dysfunctional, and Jer... lives nearby.

Sorry, Jer. You're a friend by proximity only. And you're sexy.

So, if you're in, that makes for a great weekend of gaming, geekery, and rollercoasters. Seeing as how Jer's cottage weekend may bust, this could be the next best thing.

I swear it won't suck.

AND... I'll plug in my air conditioner. That's as good as money.

Back to Heavy Weapon...
Posted by Parallel
Thursday, June 02, 2005 at 1:07 p.m. | 0 comments
Actual answers from Family Feud.

And yes, I'm bored at work. I could be fired by the end of the month if they downsize my department. I friggin' hate life some days.

OOHH!! Candy!!

Q: Name a fruit that is yellow.
A: Orange.

Q: Name something that floats in the bath.
A: Water.

Q: Name a part of the body beginning with “N.”
A: Knee.

Q: A job around the house that has to be done every fall.
A: Spring cleaning.
Posted by Parallel
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