Sunday, September 16, 2007 at 1:45 PM | 1 comments
I don't know how I made it this far, but I did. Since I last wrote, I was carefully trying to be optimistic. This plan fell apart the next day and Monday morning in particular was difficult for me.

Slowly but surely, things have been getting better. I'm slowly returning to normal and though I'm still stressed most of the time, I can finally think again.

This would be great except now Catherine has gone away for a week-long vacation with her parents. It's a much needed and deserved break for her, but the needy part of me just wants her back. Still, I'm good enough now that I can handle the work and pressure, but jeez, talk about the deep end! I send her regular text messages asking her to come back. I don't think she's taking me too seriously.

My mother is coming soon to spend the night. This will be good as it's a needed distraction to keep me feeling as calm and chilled as possible. I'm planned for the next two weeks, both concretely (in the case of the grade 11 classes) and abstractly (in the case of the grade 10 class). This helps a lot in lowering stress because I promised Catherine that I wouldn't do any work today.

I've managed to keep that promise, but I'm still a bit agitated. It's been a long time since I could really just take time for myself to relax and I'm finding it a strange and odd feeling not to be working my butt off. Instead I watched TMNT and now I'm going to play Metroid Prime 3 for the first 'real' time since I bought it nearly a month ago.

My plan is to approach normal again as soon as possible. Wish me luck on that.
Posted by Parallel
Saturday, September 08, 2007 at 10:47 AM | 1 comments
The title of this post sounds bleak, I know, but it's also the struggle in which I find myself daily. Many of you have called or written to ask how my first day (and now week) of teaching was and to be honest I can't give a fair assessment because my opinion varies almost minute to minute.

There are a lot of good things to like about the school and the job. Two of my classes require the same preparation so that makes things easier. One of my classrooms has couches and a personal computer for me to use. That's pretty nifty. Most of my students, though they look like deer in headlights, are very nice and I'm sure I'm going to enjoy their company.

The bad things I won't elaborate too much on because it doesn't do me any good to dwell. My negative feelings, which currently outrank the positive because it's human nature to look at the bad rather than the good, are something I'm dealing with. Ask any teacher and they will tell you this isn't a simple job where you put in the hours and go home without a worry, but this volume and stress is compounded to an insane degree when you're first starting out. It probably wouldn't be so bad if there was a department head or someone there that I felt I could turn to for all of my questions and concerns. It's not that people are unhelpful at this school, it's that currently the whole thing is an unknown quantity and people are sorting out their own courses.

How was my first week? Well, I got through it. I think I did my lessons well and I'm prepped for all of next week already. This is a very good thing, yet right now I'm filled with the anxiety of the weeks to come and the steep learning curve. But Catherine assures me I can do it and I can't think of anyone else who knows my limits better.
Posted by Parallel
Monday, September 03, 2007 at 9:24 PM | 1 comments
In about 9 hours I'll be waking up and starting my new job and God willing, my new career. I'm feeling positive about the whole thing, but that could be because of the medication I got from the doctor yesterday to calm me the hell down.

Catherine, as always, is my inspiration and my guiding light. I wouldn't be anywhere near the man I hope I am today without her. Catherine, I love you very much.

Now let us pray. Day 1 awaits.
Posted by Parallel
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