My brain and heart feel as though they are in mortal peril. If I knew where I was going to wind up in September for school then I would feel much better about my current teaching assignment. I could plough through.As it is, I feel myself circling despair which is unfortunate because great things are coming in the next month and a bit. I get married in less than a month to the most wonderful person in the world and then we're going to Cuba for our honeymoon. I love my wedding ring and wear it every day already.
Yet all of this is tainted simply because I can't stop whining about my transfer. I should be happy that I have a contract when so many people can't even get supply work, and yet I'm feeling burnt out. Worse than that, I simply don't want to go. I feel like I've already given everything I had to give and did it well. I'm satisfied with what I've done and it breaks my heart because it feels like I'm starting all over again. Like I built the most amazing house out of Lego and someone comes along and smashes it down just as I reach for the camera to take a picture.
I know the first year is about survival and I would have done just that, in style, with my old school. But starting over when I was already feeling tired? That's going to be the true test. Either I stand or I fall. I'm worried I'll fall and I don't want to have to feel this way when I'm about to get married.
I know this happens to many teachers, but I don't know any of them. I need a support group who really understands what I'm going through.
Posted by
Parallel
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