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Tuesday, December 20, 2005
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12:19 p.m.
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Nathan discovered this insane video the other day and has found a way to make sure that everyone else can see it as well. Nate is a great source of information of how to upload pictures, videos, and all the other useless junk we see on the Internet these days. I'm semi-proud to present it to you. I give you... Arnold in YOSH!
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Parallel
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
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4:16 p.m.
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On the one hand, I feel guilty making fun of a co-worker, especially since she took us out for lunch today, gave us a Christmas card, and a scratch ticket (I won $4). On the other hand, this is just too damn funny. I overhead a co-worker pitching our ads to a potential new client, and she said if you don't want our personals ad, we can send you a remnant ad instead. A remnant ad is nothing more than a small box or even just a line of text that gets put in if there's a bit of space left over after the paid advertising has been put in the paper. It's a nothing ad and just filler. I told the co-worker not to pitch those to publishers as it sounds like she's asking them to put garbage in their papers. I had to explain, using visual aids, what I meant before she understood. I said "remnant just means 'left over.'" She said "Oh well, I didn't know. My Latin's not that good." Nathan and Sandy nearly had a heart attack from laughing so hard.
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Parallel
Thursday, December 08, 2005
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11:30 p.m.
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• An 87-year-old man dropped dead while waiting in line at a government office in Bogotá, Colombia. He’d been applying “for a certificate to prove he was still alive.” • In August 2000, a 44-year-old woman named Angel Destiny fled for her life dressed only in pajamas after half of her house in Cardiff, Wales, collapsed into rubble. Destiny, who makes her living as a psychic, told reporters, “I just didn’t see it coming.” In other news, I'll be beginning a Christmas movie countdown... flicks that I've loved and that I feel you should all love as well. Look for the first installment tomorrow. I also just finished reading Ultimates 2 #9 and have made a pdf for those who want to read it. The most shocking issue ever and an instant classic. It's just that damn good. A smack in the face if there ever was one. Brilliantly done. Anyway, Catherine's in bed, I'm tired, and I just finished talking to Pushee whom I haven't spoken to in ages. This seems to becoming too commonplace these days... close friends that I don't see anymore. I think I've forgotten what Aaron looks like. I just have the warm glow of text messages on my cellphone for company. I can't wait for Christmas vacation to start...
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Parallel
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
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2:33 p.m.
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I'm still not sure where I sit on the topic of the Bryan Singer-less X-Men 3, only that I'm as much curiously hopeful as I am concerned that this film will suck.  The teaser trailer has been released and is available to view through Apple's website, though I am heartily vexed as I can't run the video on my Mac computer here at work. This causes me great anger as Apple, Quicktime, and Macs are all part of the same company, yet Apple, in its money-hoarding wisdom, is forcing complete system upgrades in order to get the latest version of Quicktime, something I'm not yet prepared to do with my work computer. So, I'll have to wait until tonight. A startling number of characters are slated to appear in this film though, including Multiple Man, Omega Red, Callisto, Juggernaut, Stacy X, Emma Frost, Kitty Pryde, Colossus, Jubilee, M, and quite a few more. I'm very interested to see these new characters alongside the complete cast (except for Alan Cumming's Nightcrawler who won't be in the film). The most interesting addition is Kelsey Grammar as the Beast. Not sure how I feel about the look, but the casting is pretty dead on. Frasier as a super-hero. Quite the concept. That's about it. Been busy otherwise. Good weekend, though Truffle has a bad eye and needed to be taken to the vet for an exam. She's fine, but we're out quite a bit of money. The things we do for those we love... Worth every penny. Catherine was amazing throughout the whole thing. I'm just way too much of a softy.
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Parallel
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
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4:33 p.m.
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Just when you get comfortable... The reign of terror that is work strikes again as a co-worker and friend unjustly gets the axe. TPTB set their sights on Bill who was well-liked, hard working, and funny. What makes it worse is that another co-worker and Bill's partner was proven to be lazy and does not do any work, making Bill's firing all the more cruel. That aside, Bill is a really good guy. He never has an unkind word, always has a smile, and is always hungry. I've never seen a man eat so much so often. Hopefully he gets started at a new job he was promised soon so that he can make a ton more money and give the finger to this place from afar. Just the other day he emailed his potential employer to get an update, but decided (poorly) to disguise his message (also done poorly). Not once, not twice, but at least three or four times over the course of the email, he included the phrase "Happy Holidays." This in an email, instant delivery communication, around mid-November. Of course, Nathan and I couldn't let that slide. All day, we joked about "Happy November" or "Happy Thursday" and even "Happy 3:30pm." Bill, being as gracious as he is, just laughed and took it in stride. Bill loves working on houses and was talkinga bout moving to a tropical location with his wife and setting up his own company. Bill fixes things, makes things better, and is a good friend. It's a shame I didn't get to know him better before he left this place. I'll miss the rides home he gave me so many times, and Sandy as well. Yes, I know he's not dead, just removed from this place, and yes, I'm annoyed because he'll be having a lot more fun than I will.
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Parallel
Monday, November 28, 2005
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9:42 a.m.
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Role Model: Wilfredo T. Laboy, superintendent of the Lawrence, Massachusetts, school system, who put 24 teachers on unpaid leave for failing a basic English proficiency test Setting an Example: Laboy—who had recently received a 3 percent pay increase that raised his salary to $156,560—flunked that same test. Three times. So, it's done. Catherine and I took off Friday to hand-deliver my profiles to U of T and York with the hope that I would soon be entering teacher's college. It's by no means guaranteed, but I think I've got a pretty good shot. God help me if I don't get in. At U of T, the man behind the counter didn't once break up his phone call to look over at me, silently mouth 'teacher's college?', then mouth another 'good luck' as he took my profile and dropped it into a bin. I'm not sure what I expected to happen, but after hours and months of working on that thing I expected something more involved. Maybe a conversation. A hand shake. A secret decoder ring. Something. Oh well. The rest of the day I spent text messaging Aaron, Nathan, and Catherine's parents. All in all, it was a fantastic weekend, got some Christmas shopping done and played Ultimate Spider-Man with Jer. By the way, never rent a game from Blockbuster again. Normally $8 for a rental (including tax), the batards are now charing $10 including tax to rent a game. I know you can keep it a week, but jeez, guys, that's just stealing.
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Parallel
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
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11:19 p.m.
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Today is the day of my birth. Not literally, as the actually birthing came some 28 years earlier. God, I can't believe I'm already this old. I wasn't supposed to make it, you know. I had serious illnesses when I was growing up, two of which should have killed me outright. So here I am, 28, and looking to make my next big move in life by going to teacher's college next year. Assuming I get in.  Nothing is ever guaranteed in life, but sometimes it can surprise you. Though I've hated my job since I started, I could never have anticipated that I would meet someone who would become one of my best friends. Today, Nathan helped me to celebrate my birthday (along with Bill, Li, Sandy, Jen, Jim, Dan, Gargi, Patricia, and others) but I know it was Nate who really pulled it all together. First thing in the morning my computer was covered in a birthday banner. Crude, but Nate's style. Then I discovered a Hulk Figure Factory toy in my drawer. Again, Nate's style. We ordered in food, I discovered a Venom Figure Factory that had been stowed away in Li's file boxes, and then found a Marvel Legends Bullseye figure on my chair. I was overjoyed. I was touched.  I was unprepared to find two more Figure Factory toys, Iron Man and Thing, in my desk drawer after lunch. I couldn't believe Nate had gone to that much effort. You could see that he was as pleased with the results as I had been with his birthday earlier that same month. It just goes to show you that no matter the original packaging of something, if you dig deep there's almost always something better underneath. Getting home was the best, though. Nothing compares to seeing Catherine after a day, good or bad, and getting a hug. I got my present right away and was shocked to see that she had bought a cellphone for me that I had been talking about quite a bit in the past. I spent a good part of the night programming it though I should have been working on my application (I swear, it's almost done). The irony of her gift became apparent as I ran out to buy a frozen pizza for dinner as I was still stuffed from lunch. There was none at the crap Dominion, or the 24 hour store down the block. I went another couple of blocks to ANOTHER grocery store, and they only had vegetables. So I bit the bullet and got Pizza Pizza.  Here's where the irony fits in. I was supposed to be gone for 10 minutes, but it's been more than half an hour. So I had to call Catherine to tell her where I was but since my phone was new, uncharged, and unactivated I used a payphone. It took a little while to find one, too. Still, afterwards we had a great pizza dinner, spent time with Truffle and my gadgets (and the application, I swear), then watched Lost and now Catherine is in bed hoping I'll turn off the lights and go to bed myself. It's been a good day. Tomorrow it continues with lunch with my mom.
Posted by
Parallel
Monday, November 21, 2005
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2:48 p.m.
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Every so often one is lucky enough to bear witness to an event that, as good as it is in the telling, pales in comparrison to the actual event itself. In this case, it is an act of awkwardness, publicly done no less, that not only warrants telling but demands that a new term be invented to explain it... I give you... the browner.  Last Friday, my office had their annual Christmas gift exchange (yes, I'm aware it's November... Happy November, everyone) and we did a Secret Santa gift swap. The terms of the swap are simple: find something nice for the person you drew out of a hat within a $15-$20 range. Most of the gifts were harmless. Bowls, beers, food, and books. Typically holiday fare. One man dared to be different... Background: Mr. Brown and Ms. Gift Receiver worked together for some time at another company which we recently acquired. Through my own frank talks with the Miss, she's not a fan of Mr. Brown though has not openly said anything against him but they never speak to each other. Mr. Brown makes attempts to get her attention and Nate speculated for some time (as did I) at some potential trist existing between them, but given Ms. Receiver's statements, I didn't think it likely. Mr. Brown goes for broke. His gift is a Blind Date DVD jewel case that he has created himself. It includes logo, head shot of the host, and is made to seem like a real product, though it's obvious it's been printed out. Some of the special features and chapter selections include "dinner, taking in the game, the hot tub scene, and the limo ride home." Deleted scenes included Ms. Receiver and her roommate (graphic lesbian photo attached the the cover, one of whom looks like Ms. Receiver) having some fun. Inside the case was a single ticket to see the Maple Leafs. After processing his info for a minute or more, Ms. Receiver looks at Mr. Brown and asks if he has the other one. He smiles, nods, and says "yep." His gift is essentially a date night for the two of them to see the Maple Leafs, but given the content on the jewel case and the slightly enforced nature of the gift, no one knew what to say. You see, Ms. Receiver, trying to look as gracious as possible, has been in a relationship for more than 6 years. Mr. Brown is himself a newlywed. The awkwardness was palpable. Everyone is trying to laugh at how clever Mr. Brown was, and how creative his gift was. The case is PASSED AROUND to everyone who looks at it and tries not to seem horrified. Whispered conversations afterwards reveals that I was not the only one feeling uncomfortable. Patrick, our foreign boss, dryly states that he wonders what Ms. Receiver's boyfriend is going to make of this gift. What indeed? If she so wished, she could sue Mr. Brown and the company for all it's worth. Hell, it's not a bad idea. It certainly was one of the most brutal sights I've seen in quite some time. The only other highlight was my gift to Nathan. He had to open five boxes, one inside the next, only to find nothing. Then I handed him his present from where it was on the desk behind him. I laughed. That's what's important. So, in the interim, I've decided that public awkwardness on this scale should be called a 'browner' but I open it up to the rest of you to determine how fitting a name this is. What a dumb thing to do. But it's GREAT conversation fodder.
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Parallel
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
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7:20 p.m.
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Here it is. Feast your eyes. Proof positive that I am now, officially, a paid Marvel writer. Yes, the sum you see is in fact for a whole $20 (US).  It's a step in a direction that I've been trying to go in for a long time. More money would have been good as will more work in the future, but it's the first payment from Marvel. The book in question is X-Men: The 198 Files and deals with the aftermath of a Brian Michael Bendis storyline called House of M that decimated the mutant population at Marvel, leaving very few mutants behind and de-powering some like my personal favorite, Chamber.  Should the storyline prove worthy, I'll comment on it more later on. For now, here is the cover for the issue which I am credited with writing (along with two others). It goes on sale in January.
Posted by
Parallel
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
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9:18 a.m.
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We employ odd people and odd practices here at FMG, the least of which is making really bizarre photos up of the special boy or girl. Nathan was no exception, but seeing as how The Others hate the web team, I had to make up all the photos. So I got to work. The results of which are as follows. The first is the favorite by consensus, and I'm particularly pleased about the headband. Pink looks good on Nate.  The next one makes excellent use of Golden Girl Bea Arthur, here outstretched hands, and puckered lips. I can't see why any mortal man wouldn't fall prey to her temptations.  Here we have Nate enjoying a hose. This was an actual ad (minus his head) that we used for one of our new publications.  Nate likes pork chops, so it's no surprise he's also a big fan of piggybacks. Look at 'em go!  Why just make fun of Nathan when I can throw another co-worker, Li, into the mix as well? Nathan's skills at work include eating all of Li's food. She's stopped bringing so much in.  Now the real reason all of these images have made their debut on this blog is because I'm sure Nathan doesn't really want them to get out. But since I am a jerk and need to entertain all of you, I figured no harm could come of this. If you don't hear from me in three days, Nate is a likely suspect. Though I got him some pretty good presents, so hopefully he's happy. Just don't poke the bear.
Posted by
Parallel
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
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11:20 a.m.
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Meaning: Real, not fake Origin: “Originally meant ‘placed on the knees.’ In Ancient Rome, a father legally claimed his new child by sitting in front of his family and placing his child on his knee.”
Posted by
Parallel
Friday, October 28, 2005
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9:36 a.m.
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"The man in black fled across the desert, and the Gunslinger followed..." It may not be a TV series or a movie, but I can't think of a better medium than comics, specifically Marvel comics, to tell part of Roland's origin story from The Dark Tower. Written by Stephen King and illlustrated by Jae Lee (The Inhumans, The Sentry), this book is going to be unbelievable. It'll be released as individual issues and then collected in a hardcover volume.  Once you get past the first book, now more than 25 years old, The Dark Tower is perhaps one of the most compelling epics I've ever encountered. I'd not normally count myself a Stephen King fan based on what he's historically known for, but considering two of my favorite films, Stand By Me and The Shawshank Redemption, are based on his works, I suppose I am.  NEW YORK - World Fantasy Award-winning writer Stephen King, long acknowledged as the master of modern horror, and Marvel Comics join forces this spring to launch a ground-breaking new comic book series adapted from King's magnum opus, The Dark Tower. The first issue is scheduled to debut in April 2006. The comic series will mark the first time Stephen King has produced original content for an ongoing comic book project. The series will expand the saga of King's epic hero, Roland Deschain, whose quest to save the Dark Tower is captured in seven best-selling novels published over the course of twenty-five years. King's unparalleled storytelling power will inform new stories that delve into the life and times of the young Roland, revealing the trials and conflicts that lead to the burden of destiny he must assume as a man, the last Gunslinger from a world that has moved on. The comics will work in conjunction with the novels, further supplementing and defining the saga's mythology under the direction of the acclaimed author himself.  "As a lifelong fan of Marvel comic books, and as an adult reader who's seen comics "come of age" and take their rightful place in the world of fantasy and science fiction, I'm excited to be a part of Roland's new incarnation," said Stephen King. The series will be illustrated by Eisner-award winning artist Jae Lee. King continued, "I love Jae Lee's work, and I think this is going to be a dynamite partnership. Frankly, I can't wait." 
Posted by
Parallel
Thursday, October 27, 2005
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11:06 p.m.
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1 comments
He shares my year of birth, my career path, my love of all things geekery, and my receeding hairline... To Mr. Jeromy Lloyd, born this day in 1977, I bid thee a Happy Birthday and I look forward to raising a glass with you tomorrow night in honour of this tragic....er... momentus occasion.  We're getting old, aren't we? You're 28 dude and I'm following in less than a month. Yikes. What have we done with our lives? I'm so sad... ...happy birthday. I guess. BE MERRY!!!
Posted by
Parallel
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
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11:01 p.m.
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Wow. Just... wow. Now I think I've seen it all. This goes above and beyond anything absurd or ridiculous that I think I've encountered in a good long while. This is just one in a series of videos featuring "real" performers singing nursery rhyme songs. Released on a DVD called Mother Goose Rocks, you have to promise to wait until other 'guest' singers begin to appear in order to get the full flavour.  Click here to see the video. “The newly-released DVD is a series of animated music videos introducing children to a diverse and timely set of music genres like alternative rock, country, techno, pop and R&B with the safety of familiar G-rated nursery rhyme lyrics,” explains Richard Snee, President of Boffomedia, and Mother Goose Rocks!, producer. “Very hip, very safe, very funny, and great for the whole family.” Please comment. Comment often. We'll gather here soon after and shield ourselves from the growing insanity of the world outside.
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Parallel
Saturday, October 22, 2005
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9:05 p.m.
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Meaning: To aggravate Origin: Hyperactive racehorses were often given goats as stablemates because their presence tended to have a calming effect on the horses. After the horse became attached to the goat, it got very upset when its companion disappeared—making it run poorly on the track. In the 19th century, when a devious gambler wanted a horse to lose, he would get the horse’s goat and take it away the night before the race, thus agitating the horse.  The moral of the story: give back the goat!!!
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Parallel
Thursday, October 20, 2005
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10:43 p.m.
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Shortly before 3pm today, my father, brother, and more than 500 employees at the Guelph Imperial Tobacco plant were called into the sprawling lunchroom for an announcement. They were told to gather their lunchboxes and their jackets before they came. Right away you know what kind of an announcement this is going to be. They aren't going to be given time off for good behaviour, there isn't a reward. Instead, they told them that the Guelph plant, which has been open since 1959, is going to be closed.  Many people reading this will see it as a victory over smoking. True, I'm not a fan of the habit and wish my mother and many others would rid themselves of it completely. On the other hand, this is a company that put a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food on my table. It paid for my education, my entertainment, and for the peace of mind for my family. For all of those things and more, I will always be grateful to that company. If there is a silver lining, it is that my father had always planned to retire by the end of next year anyway. This isn't a blow to him and he'll get more than a decent severence package to go along with the tidy pension he's built up. My brother, on the other hand, is 37 with three kids. This announcement is more than a little devastating to him. If he's smart, he'll pay off every debt he has with what severence they give him next year. That'll help him out a ton in the long run, though in the short term I can't begin to imagine what he'll be going through. The writing was on the wall, though, with the BC government's decision to allow citizens to bring lawsuits to tobacco companies. It didn't seem farfetched at all for them to pull up stakes while the going was good. After all, the plant in Mexico pays only a sixth of what employee's here in Ontario are getting. Money savings all around. The frustration with the government's decision isn't solely in the loss of manpower, but in a major industry that supports the back of Canada financially. The loss will be felt keenly in Guelph, but the long term impact has yet to be seen. The full story is available at the Toronto Star website. I have faith that my brother will be fine. He's still planning to get married next year, and he's young enough that this shouldn't be too devastating in the long run. Still, what an awful way to end your week. Planning a trip to Cuba to get married, and then finding out you've essentially lost your job.
Posted by
Parallel
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
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3:33 p.m.
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 When playtime goes horribly wrong, a company creates an airport security playset. As you see, the situation is calm, serene, devoid of barking dogs, long lines, and grouchy security people. To add more realism, more aggravated passengers should be present, along with at least one East Indian passenger with a mysterious 'package.' I'd name that figure Nathan after my terrorist co-worker.  As you can see by the accessories, this looks like a harmless toy. And I REALLY must stress at this point that this is, in fact, a real toy. I'd like to draw your attention to the two toy guns, one of which is apparently able to fit inside the piece of luggage the woman is carrying. Why in the world does a playset like this exist? And why is it missing bombs and all the other colorful characters we've come to associate with airlines?  Another blogger out there actually made this little scenario using a playset he ordered and received in the mail. It's really damn funny, but as co-worker Nathan points out, realism for this set would be much better had the victim been black. Still, hours and hours of fun for your pre-schooler. In conclusion: God help us all.
Posted by
Parallel
Monday, October 17, 2005
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10:18 p.m.
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It's all slowly coming to a head, isn't it? This technological revolution that began with the radio is continually blossoming into something out of control. My problem? I don't know if I can afford it all. On the horizon we have the Nintendo Revolution (which looks odd but has my curiosity piqued), Xbox 360, PS3 and other gadgets. Catherine picked up an iPod (which I claim to have bought for her using freelance fees that I haven't even received yet) which holds more than 1500 songs. She's been uploading to it for two days with no end in sight. That thing is unreal. It has games, a calendar, an alarm, and a music trivia game based on the songs you've already uploaded to it! The madness does not end there, however. Apple has revealed that you can now download episodes of Lost or Desperate Housewives to watch for $1.99 a pop. With the new iPod coming out capable of playing video, you can watch said episodes while on the go. Craziness. I'd complain, but I'm the guy making his daily commute while watching my DVD player. Not a bad way to travel, though you do attract a lot of attention. For all the marvels of technology, there are still drawbacks. For instance, the day-long argument I had with Catherine about our iPod and its ability to work on a USB 1.1 port as opposed to the supposedly required 2.0. We got it to work, plagues were averted, children were saved. It was nearly a bloodbath. So that's that. Oh, and friends Jamie and Victoria bought a house and had their housewarming. There, I was accosted by Victoria's brother, Tim, who is the most rabid U2 fan I have ever met. It felt like an interrogation and I'm sad to say that my knowledge, once something I prided myself on, is nothing compared to this guy who must not do anything else in his free time but obsess about U2. Nice guy, though. I'm going to bed because I'm tired and I deserve sheep. I mean sleep.
Posted by
Parallel
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
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1:26 p.m.
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This is a good story, though it's a couple of weeks late. Mainly it's late because I'm lazy and can't be bothered to blog, though I do check my own blog daily to see if I've posted, remembered that I haven't, then vow to get right on it. That doesn't always work. So, I made plans to see Serenity in Burlington with my Dad. It's a good half-way point between Guelph and Toronto, and Paul and Victoria live there. They'd seen the movie with Catherine and I three months ago, but I figured they'd be up for seeing it again. The unexpected part came when I invited Jer along. He was at the apartment with me on Friday night and we spent nearly 8 hours playing X-Men Legends 2 (which rocks) until 3:40 am. Tired, we went to bed as we had to catch the GO Train at 10:43am. We got up. We were lazy. We played X-Men again for a little. Then we left to go, seeing as how it was 10:19am. The odds that we were going to make this train were slim to none. Especially since I dove back into the apartment for my book, then Jer dove back in for his jacket. All was going well until St. George station, when Jer rather sheepishyly states he has to go to the bathroom. "We're like 10 minutes from the train. Can you make it?" I asked. The look on his face suggested that no, he could not make it. I know of this pain and it is evil. Sadly, Jer decided to head up to the street to find someplace to go. I was going to keep on towards Union to try and make the train, but it sucked that Jer had to bow out. He promised to try to catch the next train or maybe see the movie with me later that weekend. I had no choice but to go as my Dad was expecting me and Paul was picking us up at the GO station in Burlington. When I got to Union, I had less than five minutes. I ran through the terminal, got my ticket, and bolted for the platform despite the clerk telling me the odds weren't good. I got up there with two minutes to spare only to find that the train hadn't even pulled in yet. It was two minutes late. So, I got on, read my book (good going, me), and got off in Oakville to grab the connecting bus. As I walked towards the bus, there was Jer, standing there waiting for me with his arms folded. No. Fucking. Way. Before I hugged him, a million thoughts went through my head. Did he meet someone on the street and get a ride here? How could he be here? The answer: it was a crap and go. He went at a million miles per hour, got the subway train after me. Bought his ticket, even though the guy said the train left. It wasn't on the schedule anymore, but he decided to see if it was still up on the platform. Jer even went to the wrong platform, happened to glance across and see the train he needed, ran like no tomorrow to get it, and jumped through the doors just as they were closing. He made the same GO Train as me. The odds on this are astronomically slim. *I* barely made it. How the hell did he do it? I'm guessing it's because he's tall and has really long legs. He can move fast when he wants to. Oh, and the movie was awesome.
Posted by
Parallel
Sunday, October 02, 2005
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6:00 p.m.
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Plaintiff: Hormel Foods Corp. Defendant: Jim Henson Productions Lawsuit: Hormel, maker of SPAM, sued Henson’s company over one of the characters in the movie Muppet Treasure Island. The character in question is the high priest of a tribe of wild boars that worship Miss Piggy. His name: Spa’am. Hormel’s lawsuit contended that their trademark was damaged because the film “intentionally portrayed the Spa’am character to be evil in porcine form.” Verdict: Not guilty. The court found that although Spa’am was “untidy,” he was not evil and that, actually, the character probably enhanced the value of the SPAM trademark.
Posted by
Parallel
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